My name is Janessa. I am an artist. I’ve spent decades of my life rejecting that label for fear of its potential associations…

• artists are not serious
• art isn’t a real job
• artists don’t make money
• anyone can call themselves an artist

The irony is, upon beginning the Healthcare MBA program at the University of St Thomas, I recall reading a book about how I should really be getting my Master of Fine Arts, as design is what truly influences decision making.

I stuffed the notion aside immediately for fear of agreeing with it, for fear of seeing it as a sign, and potentially making a foolish decision to not carry forward with my ‘very professional” MBA.

Interestingly, I was still trying to convince myself I was worthy enough to be in a masters program with such accomplished physicians and executives, while secretly pregnant with my first child and having just left my previous job due to burnout. 

Growing up in tiny Outing, MN bussing tables, cleaning cabins, and folding hot sheets in an unconditioned laundromat for my families little resort shaped my strong work ethic and fueled my desire to be a professional.

However, the slow pace of small town living provided me plenty of space to focus on drawing and making in general. My first boyfriend gave me a drawing desk and my interest exploded. Are you going to art school people would say? Nope! I never let go of the certainty that I would have a serious office job with no risks.

Future instability in my life only exacerbated my preexisting aversion for risk. The sudden discovery at 32 of my mother passed away on her couch and a subsequent separation and divorce 9 months later left angry and determined.

With the gentle support of a calm, hard working, and consistent partner, the untrusting, risk averse, non-vulnerable feminist began to relax a little over the years. We were married, we survived secondary infertility – you know #trialsoflife.

There is nothing worse than standing in your own way. Especially if you are standing on passion, peace, and opportunity.

Here we go. I just hope it’s not too late to create.

Xo,

Janessa Lyn